We all need boundaries in order to have healthy relationships at work and at home. The good news about setting boundaries is they can strengthen relationships and improve self-esteem. The challenge when establishing boundaries is articulating what you want and how you want your boundaries to be honored. 

“Boundaries give a sense of agency over one’s physical space, body, and feelings,” says Jenn Kennedy, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “We all have limits, and boundaries communicate that line.”

Judith Belmont, a licensed mental health counselor, acknowledges that when we set boundaries, we create more emotional space for ourselves. She describes a set of “Basic Rights” that identify why setting boundaries is important to our emotional health. Her Basic Rights boundaries are:

• I have a right to say no without feeling guilty.

• I have a right to be treated with respect.

• I have a right to make my needs as important as others.

• I have a right to be accepting of my mistakes and failures.

• I have a right not to meet others’ unreasonable expectations of me.

Setting boundaries requires a diplomatic assertiveness. Kennedy suggests scheduling a time to discuss your boundary issue with the person or people directly involved, then use an “I statement” to make your boundary known.

“I feel ____________ when________________ because______________. What I would prefer in the future is____________________.  Then ask, “What would work for you”?  Then work together for a mutually beneficial solution.

Respecting other people’s boundaries is important in any relationship. You cannot enact boundaries on others if you’re not willing to respect their boundaries. If, however, you feel a boundary presented to you is unreasonable, try to agree on a compromise so you both feel respected and you both have ownership in the agreement. 

“Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary.”
--Doreen Virtue

At Possibilities, we’ll explore how boundaries provide a commonsense structure within the Emotional Intelligence continuum. Our Level 1 and Level 2 Seminars provide you with the necessary tools to effectively navigate the emotional challenges that everyday life presents. Our seminars are powerful experiences you will long remember.