We’ve all endured many unanticipated challenges in the past couple of years. It’s understandable that the complications we’ve experienced are depleting our natural zeal. Our energy levels and our enthusiasm for simple everyday experiences can wane without us recognizing that we may be sliding into a funk.

Have you been feeling “less like yourself”? Perhaps hearing from someone who cares about you, that you have transformed into someone less charming or patient than your former self? Did their comment cause you to take a deeper look at yourself and how you have been showing up?

A deadly pandemic, racial inequality and justified unrest, economic opportunity may seem out of reach, and the political landscape is emotionally charged and more polarized than ever. If you’re not feeling some anxiety, you are not paying attention.

During this incredibly painful historic moment, when our struggles are great and our emotional bandwidth is stretched thin, consider this; “maybe, it’s time to ask for help”.

This is an opportune time to put our productivity into proper perspective. Productivity is a tool to help us get what we want, but it is our value system rather than our productivity that defines our self-worth.

Instead of focusing on how much you are ‘getting done” what if this was the perfect time for deeper self-reflection? Separating productivity from self-worth and becoming aware of what is really important, allows us to focus on our core being, the source of our energy and our strength.

No one is completely unscathed from life’s challenges. It hurts when we are mistreated by others and we subsequently (and often automatically) develop a defense strategy to protect ourselves from being too vulnerable. The good news is we are able to keep our self emotionally safe; the bad news is we are now further disconnected from people in our lives. We become unable or unwilling to test the possibilities of changing circumstances. It's a conundrum – what protects us also limits us.

Our personal integrity is similar to a bank account. We make deposits into our integrity account when we tell the truth. Telling the truth isn’t always easy, and so we’ve earned that deposit. We make withdrawals when we don’t tell the truth, tell an embellished truth, or we omit part of the truth.

On average, Americans tell two lies each day (Bella DePaulo, 1996). It’s staggering how easy it is to bend the truth to fit our personal narrative, and how willing we are to do so. It has, unfortunately, become part of our modus operandi and we are unaware of how it is draining our integrity bank account.

When we approach an emotionally charged subject matter, objectivity can be elusive. By balancing our emotional vulnerabilities with a healthy dose of objectivity, we can make better decisions based on the merits of the subject at hand. Using objectivity allows us to look at a problem from a macro point of view.

By definition, objectivity is the lack of bias, judgment or prejudice. We expect judges to listen to our stories objectively prior to rendering a decision. We expect journalists to present facts objectively so we can form our own opinion of the story. In essence, objectivity and credibility are indelibly linked.

We all need boundaries in order to have healthy relationships at work and at home. The good news about setting boundaries is they can strengthen relationships and improve self-esteem. The challenge when establishing boundaries is articulating what you want and how you want your boundaries to be honored. 

Our changing culture is introducing new ideas and new ways of doing things that challenge our preconceived impressions about the way things are, including our versions of Our Stories. Peek observed, “Our Stories weigh a ton.” They make us less adaptable to a changing world.

Letting go of burdens from our past is an effective step toward embracing change. Instead of focusing on Our Story, we should be open to the future as a collection of ideas. We can view ourselves as everchanging, maturing individuals whose perceptions are in continual development.

By almost any measure, our standard of living is higher than most places on earth, yet our material success often leaves us feeling more alone and unsatisfied, in some cases even clinically depressed. Smith declares that “this despair is not a lack of happiness. It’s a lack of something else, it’s a lack of having meaning in life.” 

“When we focus our attention on ourselves, we evaluate and compare our current behavior to our internal standards and values. We become self-conscious as objective evaluators of ourselves.”- Shelley Duval, Robert Wicklund

 One of the first steps in developing our emotional intelligence is recognizing our emotions, and the effects they have on others. We can and should make an effort to objectively recognize our emotions so we can monitor and modify how we behave in particular situations. But that is easier said than done.

We all have an internal map that guides our behavior. Our internal map, or paradigm, is developed over the course of our lifetime. Our paradigm influences our choices and reactions to circumstances and events we experience on a daily basis.

Becoming aware that we operate from our paradigm is a huge step in self-understanding.

1. Make a Plan. Starting out before knowing where you’re going usually gets you. nowhere.  Take the time to journal - even if it’s just once a month and review those notes as you plan for the month ahead…

2. Take a Step Back.